Wednesday, 5 December 2012

NO MA'AM - No sexists here

Most of you are probably aware of the mid 90's sitcom "Married With Children" and are therefore familiar to "NO MA'AM" (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood).
This was of course a joke. The male lead Al Bundy (Played by Ed O'Neill) was constantly nagged by his wife Peggy (Played by Katey Sagal), and therefore created a club to end the nagging and governing of his unemployed wife. But was Al Bundy on to something here? I am by no means more of a MRA (Male Rights Advocate) than I am a FRA (Female Rights Advocate).
But now I have read something that really forces me to channel my inner Psycho Dad in regards to gender equality.
Something called MA'AM - Men Against Assholes & Misogyny created by Jen Kirkman (Yes, a female), is what has caused this. Or specifically one post on there. I have only read the one I am responding to.

And as always my thoughts and corrections will be in italic and red, where as the article I am responding to will be in the default font.

The original article (a Tumblr) can be found here

Anyway here we go:

Will Forbes is a "MA'AM"

I’ve always had a hard time understanding sexism.
At least we start out on agreement. I do and I have always stated that both genders are equally stupid.

Maybe it’s because I grew up with two older sisters that are both smarter and better human beings than me.
I fail to see the connection here. How does having two older smarter sisters correlate to you not understanding sexism? Is there any particular reason why these sisters are smarter than you? And in all fields? Likewise, how are they better human beings? 

(One has 3 horribly perfect kids and the other just passed the bar while I’m currently picking Rice Krispies out of my chest hair)
How does having 3 perfect kids mean that the one is smarter and a better human being than you? 
And how does passing the (law?) bar, mean you are a good person? 

But it’s not just sexism I don’t understand.
No, there is quite a lot you don't understand. And that I don't understand for that matter. What I am getting at here, is that in order to qualify something following that sentence, you would need a semicolon; because else you make a full stop - onward to next sentence.

I don’t understand how anyone can treat one group of people with less respect than they would another.
Yes, you fucking do. Later on you treat males with close to no respect. But on a wider point, do you respect criminals as much as your siblings? Do you respect non-feminists as much as you respect feminists? If not, then you are a hypocrite. 

I don’t know if I just skipped that developmental stage where deep seeded disrespect is implanted or if these people are literally robots with anti whatever hate filled entitlement chips installed in their brain
Please for the love of god, use some punctuation. And do you even remember the previous sentence you just wrote? You are already disagreeing with yourself. It didn't take you long to contradict what you just wrote. Well fucking done.

but somewhere along the road a LARGE PERCENTAGE of otherwise rational humans have the ability to see a group of people and think “YOU ARE LESS IMPORTANT THAN ME SO I CAN TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT AND STILL FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF”.
Like calling them robots, for instance? Or what we shall read later on? 

This can apply to sex, race, height, weight, hair color, webbed feet, etc…
Or implants?

but on the front of sexisim I have some simple advice for men that I believe may help.
I believe you don't.

This obviously doesn’t apply to all men or all women or all anything and I will be making some broad generalizations, but here me out…
*hear. I also make broad generalizations. I believe that broads should be allowed to salute my general. 

Dear (straight) Men,
Hey, that's me. (Men shouldn't be capitalized)

No one wants to fuck you.
No, I think you are quite wrong. Nobody wants to fuck you, Will.

Unless you’re Ryan Gosling, George Clooney, Channing Tatum, or another one of the 1 percent of men that women actually find physically desirable, no one wants to fuck you.
I would like to see the research behind this. No actually I won't. I am not interested in your ass, Will. This is complete fucking bullshit. 

Not the girl at the grocery store with the nice ass.
How do you know? 

Not girl at the bar you keep force feeding drinks.
I really wish someone was force-feeding me drinks at the moments.

Not your gay friend that you assume is just waiting for you to be drunk enough.
What the fucking hell? I am sorry burst your bubble. But most straight guys are aware that gay/bi people don't wanna jump in our pants. 

Probably not even you’re girlfriend.
No, they absolutely hated the sight of males. They almost vomited.

If you don’t believe me allow me to say it in all caps.
Because saying it in caps, somehow makes it true.


If you’ve had consensual sex before it’s most likely because you made her laugh, you seemed nonthreatening, are relatively clean, or some other reason…but you weren’t her first choice
First off, you outline it like consensual sex isn't the norm. And I wasn't her first choice? Oh no, I mean, all the women I have fucked, were obviously my first choice. They are the one that I wanted the most, oh wait..  
The girl in my grocery store (Fakta) with the nice ass, is not my first choice. 

Even if you think you’re a 9 outta 10,  you’re gross. If you need proof, take off all your clothes and look in a mirror. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Unless, you are quite fat, you are able to see the most of your self without the use of a mirror. A mirror is primarily used for the face. 

See all that loose skin flopping between your legs? That’s a penis and it’s primary function is to become engorged with blood until it shoots out a sticky white substance that smells like a dead animal.
No, I really suggest that you take some classes in biology and anatomy. The primary function of the penis is not to become erect and ejaculate. It is most commonly used for taking a piss. 
And no human sperm isn't a strong odor.

Sound appealing? Sound like something you want inside of you?
Have you ever seen a vagina, Will? They are not pretty. Sorry to break it to you, but evolution didn't really rely on males finding them objectively attractive. You might think a pussy looks good, but take a second to think about it. And now go watch an unshaven one. It is a vast cave perfect for storing things. 
So no, they are not pretty.

(Unless you’re a gay bottom, but the chances of someone being a gay bottom being sexist are none to none)
Yeah, because gays can't be sexists right? Of course they fucking can, you fucking sexist. You have now judged all gay people to be incapable of something, just so you can fit it into your narrow narrative. Seriously, go fuck yourself. 

Now, in no way am I saying women don’t want or like sex.
Good. Because they do.

In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I know I’m making some VERY broad generalizations here, but most women if given the right situation and comfortably like sex MORE than men.
Citation fucking needed. Stop making fucking baseless fucking assertions, you ignorant fuck.

And they should.
Hooray for equality?

The female body is basically a landmine of erogenous zones.

Women cum harder
Define harder!

Citation needed.

and in more interesting ways than men with little to no mess
Ha ha ha. Seriously, have you ever made a girl cum, Will? I am not talking about squirting here, but women cumming can be quite messy.

while all the the male body has is that fleshy thing and whatever fucked up thoughts are in their head.
Wait, what? So only males think about fucked up things? Seriously, Will. I think you need to get laid. And no, males can cum in more ways than that. In fact, a male orgasm can occur before ejaculation. Don't you know anything? And regards to your statement about males thinking about fucked up things:
 Luckily for us men, many women are genetically predisposed to be attracted to men and male genitalia no matter how gross and sweaty we are.
This is a two way street, Will. 

While they hope that someday their Ryan Gosling will come,
And now you are demeaning to women. You really are despicable. 

they also know the reality of the 1 percent and have evolved their sexual taste to appreciate more than just the physical.
Where as men only think about the physical, right? 

So even though it’s not ideal, many women allow the kinda funny, kinda cute, kinda clean men of the world to thrust their engorged skin inside them to a messy finish.
I am really at a loss for words. Seriously, Will, you need help. I think your sisters, or someone else fucked you up badly. 

So what do many men do with this glorious privilege?
A privilege? But you also previously stated that women enjoy sex, even more than men.. Oh fuck it. You are all over the place.

They cat call, they gawk, they denigrate, they objectify, they condescend, they abuse, and overall treat women like they’re a lesser species. It’s like Willy Wonka giving you the keys to the candy factory even though you don’t deserve it and instead of thanking him, you shit in his mouth so you can feel superior.
Is it a defense mechanism born out of intellectual insecurity?
Centuries of unequal gender roles in western society?
Religion says it’s okay?
Ehm. Why should men thank women for having sex? Really. We just established that women enjoy sex. 

Whatever the reason is, that reason is bullshit. Grow the fuck up.
I seriously feel that you need to grow the fuck up, Will. 

Listen, I get it. Deep down you’re just an animal and are following your primate instincts.
Actually we are animals.

Women have lady parts and when you’re around them it makes your penis brain go OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH GIMME GIMME..

but for fucks sake is it that hard to take the ONE SECOND to think HEY SHUT UP PENIS BRAIN THIS IS A HUMAN I’M TALKING TO I SHOULD BE RESPECTFUL?
If she is worthy of being respected. Respect is not given, it is fucking earned. 

Well, some women want to fuck, we already established that. 

So next time you’re thinking about calling a woman a slut or tell them that their asking for it or calling them feminist when they try to defend themselves,
If one calls her a slut, obviously she wants to fuck. For fucks sake, Will. 

stop and think for that one second. If after that second you still want to be sexist, kill yourself because you’re probably Chris Brown.
How is it sexist to call a woman a slut? It isn't. It is sexist to refer to women as being sluts. Or referring to men as unclean. 

But if after that second you can prevent the horrible shit from coming out your mouth congratulations,
If only you had prevented that horrible shit coming from your mouth/fingers.

you just avoided ruining a woman’s day for no reason.
So now women are also delicate flowers? 

Who knows, maybe if you treat women with respect all the time one of them might eventually think you’re kinda cute, kinda clean, and give you a chance to navigate the minefield even though you’re disgusting and sweaty.
Because women don't sweat, fact. There is a difference between people with respect, and then sticking your nose so far up their ass, that your shoulders become brown.

So in summary, Will.
Women smell. They also sweat. If they don't sweat during sex, it is because they are just laying there, doing nothing. Which isn't to be preferred. 
Women are also disgusting. Our sexual drive makes us see past that, but they are.
And here are some pointers for you.
Women also shit. They also pee. They also puke. Their sexual organs are not objectively attractive. 
If you think otherwise, you should go get some help, Will.
Women are not better or worse than men. They are exactly the same. 
If you think otherwise, you are per definition a sexist.